When it comes to betrayal, many women can fall into the trap of thinking they ‘are not enough’ for their husband or boyfriend. By the way, accepting all responsibility for the relationship, both as a wife and as a mother – when the problem are the children, for instance – seems to be a problem that most women face.
First of all, my friend, you have to understand that the mind of a man is very different from that of a woman. And not even considering History, moved by a patriarchal culture in which the woman was, for a long time, subjected to the condition of a bargaining chip.
There’s a difference between physical satisfaction and psychological satisfaction.
Men try to use sex to refill their self-esteem. See, my friend, when a man wants a new car, for example. This “car”, these days, is a substitute for the “phallus”, it symbolizes his condition as the “alpha male”, since, to be a provider, it’s not enough just to emit testosterone and beat his chest like a gorilla to ward off predators… No, the security that comes from social power is what will dictate his chances of “procreating”.
Of course, this is just an example, my friend. Where I want to get at here is understanding that, like any animal, the “male” will try to prevail in some way to call the female’s attention, everything to increase his chances of procreation. That’s when we see that the woman has the pick, she actively chooses, and she should never abdicate that position.
After understanding that, it becomes clear that, although physical/sexual needs might have a limit, psychological needs know no boundary, and anything that is accessible to fulfill a man’s needs will, no doubt, shake his psychic/emotional balance either to acceptance, or sublimation.
In summary: if an attractive woman hits on your husband or boyfriend, he’ll either cheat on you, deny it and run away from the situation, or, depending on his values, he’ll find ways of fulfilling this need without breaking your agreement.
You might be wondering what I meant by “sublimation”… I’m borrowing a term from psychoanalysis, which basically means to transform undesired impulses into something less hurtful. For example, my friend: ‘I’m angry. I’ll hit the gym and use this energy to train’. This way, I can transform, or sublimate, this energy into something more useful. I can unleash my anger without harming anyone. Is that clear?
Another example are narcissists or compulsive seducers who become amazing artists. Because, through art, they can seduce much more people without harming themselves. The satisfaction of the compulsive seducer is in succeeding in the seduction PROCESS, and not necessarily having their reward through sex, for instance. Can you see the difference?
Obviously, my friend, sublimation is an active process, and, when we’re talking about relationships, it’s much easier to reach this psychological satisfaction directly by betrayal or denial – which is also a problem, because he will give in to that impulse sooner or later –, and not indirectly by sublimation, which is an option that most people don’t know and, when it occurs, it’s usually an unconscious action.
Think of a person who suffers from obesity, for example. It means that their neurochemical rewards are more easily found in food than in deciding to go to the gym. That’s because our brain tends to find the shortest path to fulfill our needs. The same happens with questions involving the libido: Having sex with different partners will be the easiest path to fulfill yourself psychologically.
So, never blame yourself for a betrayal, but try to understand what motivated your partner to look for another woman. Of course, this understanding is only for yourself. I’m not telling you to be passive and accepting of this kind of attitude, but you should reflect and, along with the other things we’ve discussed about self-knowledge and empowerment through conscience, become a woman more capable of creating solid and healthy relationships using your intelligence and avoiding basic mistakes that can put you in a precarious position of being passive or supporting this sort of thing.
In summary: a man cheats for his own reasons, and, in most cases, betrayal is linked to fulfilling his own psychological needs. That is, you’re not to blame, it is not your responsibility. What you have to do is start selecting your partners better and be alert to avoid troublesome consequences that can harm you.
You’re responsible for your won physical/emotional and psychological state, which is closely related to how you respect yourself and protect your self-esteem. And that, sweetheart, means knowing how to differentiate tolerance from fear, insecurity, or passiveness.
See how different it is, for example, a woman who ends a relationship after a betrayal believing that she “wasn’t enough”, or that she’s “not desirable anymore”, and a woman who breaks up knowing that the man had a weakness of character and, naturally, proved himself to be untrustworthy.
You need to control your own emotions. While men find it hard to control their instincts, women don’t know what to do when it comes to emotion. These weaknesses are the critical point where: the woman can control a man when she dominates his instincts, and a man can get whatever he wants from a woman if he controls her emotions. Either way, remember that relationships based on domination have a tendency to end badly.
Tolerating is being capable of dealing with differences without being harmed, that’s it. It has nothing to do with SUFFERING. If you get to suffering, you must be acting based on fear, insecurity, or on your low self-esteem, and it’s of the utmost importance that you act to improve that internal struggle.
Maybe you didn’t think about it from that perspective, my friend, so you suffered for men who were not worth it, right? Well, you don’t have to worry about it anymore.
And, if you don’t know me yet, my beautiful friend, my name is Vanessa de Oliveira, I’ve been studying the human behavior in relationships for years, and, as an authority in relationships, I want to teach my students how to know themselves so that they can evolve in several areas of their personal life, their social life, their professional life, their love life, and so on…
I’m sure that, when you learn the lessons I teach in my courses, you’ll come out as a truly powerful woman. They are the result of years and years of dedication, helping thousands of women, and the testimonials speak for themselves. Check it out:
TESTIMONIALS
These are just some of the thousands of testimonials I receive daily, my friend. And they don’t stop coming. I believe that, as an intelligent woman, if you got to here, you certainly are willing and want to go much further, don’t you?
We’re talking about behavioral structures, and, to reach this knowledge, my friend, all you have to do is follow my instructions and be open to learn more about yourself and about men. Everything is going to happen even without you noticing it… When you see it, you’re already there…
My friend… Besides learning about The Power of Unshakable Self-esteem that a woman can reach when she really decides to be powerful and confident, you’ll learn seduction techniques in ‘Be Seductive Above All Else’, a module that will show you how to use your power to captivate and reconquer men. By the end, my friend, you’ll be ready, and you’ll know everything about seduction techniques and how to make him take interest in and fall in love with you once again.
Now, my friend, the best part – which works better than any medicine – is in the module: How to Be a Goddess… In this module, you’ll learn how to be a well-resolved woman in bed, learning everything about sex and the importance of this powerful energy in your life!
You’ll learn how to become a Woman of Steel, capable of putting your love and sex life BACK ON TRACK, sweetheart. So, let’s go?
I’m waiting for you, my friend.
Much love to you
—
Vanessa de Oliveira.
